still not over him... sheeshh..

How many times did i pray you'd find me...
How many wishes on a star,
Gazing off into the dark
Dreaming I'd see your face
Safe at home unafraid
Captured in your embrace

So many times when my heart was broken,
Visions of you would keep me strong,
You were with me all along
Guiding my every step
You are all that I am
And I'll never forget.

It was you, who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you, looking in my eyes
You held my hand and showed me life
And i've never been the same
Since you first believed

There were times when I thought I'd lost you
Fearing forever was a dream
But it wasn't what it seemed
Placing your hand in mine
You could see in the dark
You were guiding my heart

It was you, who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you, looking in my eyes
You held my hand and showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed

It was you, who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you, looking in my eyes
You held my hand and showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed

How many times did I pray you'd find me
How many wishes on a star...

-- ganda noh? how I'd wish he was my destiny.. but he never were how i'd wish he was my last but it never came true.. how I'd wish he's the one I'm praying for but then he was just passing by.. all my dreams i wish would come true but they never in just a second came to life.. i never felt this lonely before how i'd wish all these heartaches would just vanish into thin air.. how i'd wish.. hoping for a sign that he would look back and stare at me with thoughts he wanted to stay.. stay beside me and be with me till eternity.. i don't want to stay this way.. i really wish i can say im ok.. ok with all this pain you cause me.. i wish i could smile at you and say its fine.. how i wish i could say its over now.. i wish i could just move on without a tear in my eye.. but how can i do all these?? just tell me so i can really move on with my life now.. hate feeling this way.. really hate it!

yeah.. its quite boring here.. i just wish we'll get through from all this.. sucking subjects.. sorry for the words but im quite exausted and stressed out already.. we really should be working hard for everything kung gusto namin makagraduate.. ok i'll spill! why im acting strange lately? its because of some people, some things, i just can't get my head off.. this thing really sucks!! it does!!!! i really hate feeling like this! i do! hate it when people just misunderstood you.. hate it when people just try to get close to you (bolabola) for the sake of their selfishness.. hate it when people get control of what you really like or want or need, hate it when people try to ask you for something pagtapos parang nde na kayo magkakilala, those user-friendly people friendly na user just trash you in one corner leaving you behind with all the problems in the world.. and let you hang there till you suck to death (hindi pa naman nangyayari) oohhhhhh!! i just hate it! hate it! hate it! hate it when things won't fall in its right place.. you know the feeling.. everything just suck! hate it!! damn! maybe this is just some old unlucky days of mine bad hair day pa! kainis talaga! sorry you guys for seeing this.. just want to let my anger pass by doing this! damn!

1. yeah.. its been.. a tough day.. syempre sa ojt.. nga pala.. yesterday pan and I watched a movie LOTR di ko masyadong naget pero i quite understood it kahit nde ko pa napanood yung 1st and 2nd part ng LOTR.. me kasalanan ako kay jhen kasi bigyan ba daw ako ng assignment? buti sana kung nagtext sya ng maaga aga para nagawa ko bago manood ng sine.. pero ok lang nde naman sya nagalit eh.. kasi naman dapat sya talaga gumagawa nun kasi nde ko naman kilala yung friend nya eh sya lang makakagawa nun.. she's asking me to write a palanca letter yun pala tawag dun kasi gumagawa ako ng letter sa kanila.. yun pala tawag dun.. basta nde ko maexplain eh.. kahit sino naman makakagawa nun.. sorry talaga jhen.. pero kung maaga aga ka nagtext sana nagawa ko pa.. naisend ko pa sana dun sa email add ng friend mo.. buti sana kung hapon nya kelangan e nagtext ka 8pm.. 8 am pa kelangan.. hindi ba ang hirap ng pinapagawa mo? parang computer ang utak ko syempre kelangan ko rin magisip.. nde po ako naghihimutok dito nagpapaliwanag lang po.. anyway sana nde mo to mabasa eheheheh e wala lang.. pero promise tutulungan talaga kita sa abot ng makakaya ko kaso kagabi nde na nakayanan ng powers ko e galing din ako sa ojt nun deretso sm centerpoint 9:30 pa natapos yung LOTR.. SORRY talaga!! promise next time!!
2. i changed my cell# wala lang.. feel ko lang.. sorry you guys..just because of one person napapalit tuloy ako ng # wala lang.. na feel ko lang talaga na i really have to move on and forget everything in the past.. the past was great and tough too.. though it really hurts to let go i have to. get nyo na? wag mamimiss wag mamimiss ok?? :D napacoca cola tuloy ako.. ehehehe.. ah basta i dunno if ever i'll change my mind about this matter eh kasi naiinis na ko sa kanya lagi na lang nya kong pinapaiyak kahit wala syang ginagawa sakin or kahit me ginagawa sya sakin.. get nyo na? grabeh noh? sobrang lungkot na ng lablyp ko kasi naghihintay ako sa wala.. pag napagisip isip kong kalimutan sya dun sya nagpaparamdam pero pag hinihintay ko na rin sya wala naman sya diba ang labo nun? ako lang nasasaktan.. at kahit na ano naman gawin ako mahal ko pa rin yon.. so para lang 1st step toh at least kahit alam ko # nya me pride din naman ako nde ko sya tatawagan wala naman kasi lagi sya at least nde na sya makakapagparamdam para nde na ko masasaktan get nyo nah? ehehe grabeh masakit kahit patago.. masmasakit nga pag padago kaya ayoko na iignore ko na lang talaga pagod na ko sa kanya eh.. inis talaga ko eh.. yun lang ang story ng lablyp ko ngayon wala na kong angel nde naman totoo yun eh.. what i mean sa lablyp yung angel get nyo nah? ehehe cge na!! nababaliw na ko dito eh.. yun lang

grabeh kainis talaga! im already in the middle of something really serious here bigla nalang syang maghahang kaasar! pag ganun.. onti pang time yung natitira tuloy.. pero ok lang at least na open ko yung friendster ko kaya ok na ko ehehehe.. joke joke joke nde naman talaga ko adik dun e.. actually na adik na ko dito sa pag lagay lagay sa blog ko ehehehe balak talagang punuin simula jan hanggang dec syempre para me silbi naman kahit pano blog ko dah vah?? anyways, yung ginawa ko namang blog kanina nde ko naman dapat ipost yon e.. kasi baka me magselos pa.. kasi inamin ko na rin naman na kahit pano.. ewan ko kung etoh yung right word for this pero baka kc maapektuhan parin ako kung sakaling malaman ng angel ko toh.. ehehe see?? still do have feelings for that mokong though yoko talaga iadmit yun kahit kanino kahit sa kanya kc lalaki nanaman ulo nun.. pero now you know.. kaya bahala na kung malaman nya pa or what.. basta ewan ko na lang.. see yah guys.. yun lang masasabi ko eh..

i dunno.. i just felt concerned about my friend though i still don't know him that well..  he's very very nice though i haven't seen him.. (in person) but he's such a nice friend, he's funny and all he's a gentleman too.. i think.. hope he'll recover soon.. anyways, eto nanaman ako namomoblema sa feasib always and forever naman e!! hindi na natapos tapos.. sana maki cooperate na ang magsisicooperate para matapos na toh at mawala na kaba ko.. ayokong langawin ang feasib ko sa 29-30 oops parang feasib ko lang yun nde pala akin lang yun sa amin pala yun ehehe e kc naman feeling ko ako lang mag isa namomoblema nun kaasar talaga!! thanks for all those who prayed for benedict.. thanks alot guys and gals.. sabi ng kapatid nya he's ok na daw kaso hindi natanggal yung bullet sa back nya.. well anyways.. see yah 'round you guys..

please pray for my friend benedict, he was shot yesterday at the right chest so please pray for him!! he need it very badly.. hope he'll recover!!

hindi gumagana yung messenger ko laging try again kainis talaga!! siguro naghang yung username ko nakaka asar talaga pwamis!! hay nakoohhh.. wento ko lang yung nangyari kagabi.. hayy hindi na kami magpapaconsult sa architect naiinis ako sa kanya.. sinabi ba naman na kung makakapaghintay ako sa room ng architects and engineers kasi mawawala lang daw sya ng 30 min.. e andun naman ako naghintay nga kahit na medyo paubos na yung baon ko.. fine!! para lang masabi na makikipagmeet kami ng 10am sa saturday hayy na ko andun na pala sya kanina pa.. hindi lang nagsasalita.. nakaka asar talaga how did i found out?? dinouble click ko yung name nya then nakita ko na username nya yon ang galing noh?? mawawala daw ng 30 minutes e matatapos na yung 30 minutes nya andun pa sya.. kaasar talaga!! what i did?? umalis na ko sa room without even saying goodbye kahit sa pm lang asar na talaga ko nun.. alam ko.. ewan ko lang.. pero siguro iniisip nun wala akong karapatang magalit dahil wala namang bayad yon.. fine!! kung ayaw nya hindi naman sapilitan yon.. its just that kakilala lang ng isang friend ko sa chat kaya ako humihingi ng tulong.. then tumawag sa bahay namin telling me na kakarating lang daw nya nung umalis ako.. hello??? kanina pa nga sya dun e hindi nya ko nakikita?? kararating lang daw!!! kaasar!! pero syempre hindi ko na sinabi na naaasar ako sa kanya e nakaconference ata sila ng friends nya kaya naririnig ko rin, me nagpapapansin din puro hi!! hello!! then yun tinanong nya kung kelan magkikita sabi ko hindi na magmimeet.. nagreact yung kabilang linya pero hindi yung architect na kausap ko sabi nila natakot daw ako pero inexplain ko naman e pero talaga asar na ko talaga dun hindi nga ako nakatulog kahit na antok na antok na ko kakaisip kung anong gagawin bago tumawag yung architect kausap ko pa si paul nun hehehe medyo matagal nga ang paguusap namin nun e kasi tumutulong din yun about the project actually buti pa sya!! sya rin ang nagsuggest na wag na kami magpagawa tutal gigibain din naman yon after 2days kaya yun then ano sabi ng architect "ah ok, mas maganda nga yung nde na kayo magpapagawa.." para sa kanya oo kasi wala na syang proproblemahin then sinabi nya na kung may problema daw itext ko na lang daw sya anong sinabi ko? "ok na po kami" then he replied kung may prob nga e kung gusto nyo ng tulong whatsoever?" talagang diniin ko na "ok lang po talaga kami!!" kasi talagang bad trip na ko sa kanya!! then i asked him kung yun lang yung sasabihin nya he said yun lang ano sabi ko? ah ok so bye na then i hang up.. yun lang then simula nun inerase ko na yung landline # nya wala ring kwenta kasi nde ko na naman sya tatawagan e sinave ko lang yung cell# nya pero it doesn't mean that i'll text him.. no way!! bakit nde ko inerase? mamaya magtext yun ang reply ko sa kanya "sino ka?" e di nagtampo naman yun kung nagtatampo yun.. basta yun lang buti pa si paul nakausap ko yung nagparamdam nung after christmas nde na nagparamdam bahala sya noh!! kakalimutan ko na talaga yun!!! walang wala na kaming pag asang magkabalikan!! manloloko lang yun!! heartbreaker!! pero uunahan ko na sya bago nya ibreak uli heart ko dahvah??! ang bad ko talaga!! ayoko na kcing masaktan!! masyado nang masakit!! kaya bahala na sya!! yun lang..